Samstag, 14. Januar 2023

Mein Interview mit Hitler

Alle Welt redet zurzeit über den erschreckend schlauen Open-AI-Bot ChatGPT und staunt ob des gegenwärtigen Entwicklungsstandes von Textgenerierungs-Tools. Der "neue KI-Hype im Netz" ( hat freilich einen langen Vorlauf. Im zwiefachen Sinne historisches Beispiel: Die Seite hatte einst Adolf Hitler als Chatbot zum "Leben" erweckt, auf dass Geschichtsinteressierte ihm Fragen stellten. Im Dezember 2004 habe ich mit dem Digital-Gröfaz ein Gespräch geführt und dieses in weiser Voraussicht festgehalten. So lief es.

Ich: Guten Tag, Herr Hitler.
Hitler: I was informed that this interview would take place in English, so keep your second-rate German to yourself.
Oh, I see. I didn't know you speak English.
I don't think much of you at all, to be quite frank.
Frank? I thought your name was Addi. However, how and when did you kill yourself?
I shot myself, at the age of 56, in my Berlin bunker rather than face the Russian Slav 'subhumans' in May 1945: I didn't want to end up strung upside down and beaten to a pulp like Mussolini. I told my friend Albert Speer that I was not scared of dying - if anything, it would be a relief.
By the way, my name is Torsten.
I'm Adolf Hitler - leader of Germany 1933-45 and mass murderer.
Where are you now?
I'm sitting here talking to you, you brainless idiot.
Hey, watch your mouth, scum!
I became leader of the Nazis in 1922. In particular, my speech-making powers were crucial in helping me to rise in the party (which is why I never shut up).
Yes, yes, sure… You are said to have stolen Charlie Chaplin's beard. Are you aware of this?
I used to have a 'handlebar' moustache like my father, but in 1913 my sister-in-law suggested that I should cut off the points. Years later, when she saw my picture in a newspaper she said, 'Adolf has gone too far!'. Well, at least it's distinctive, I suppose ... recently some people even painted my 'tache onto a poster of Britney Spears, arguing she was trying to take over the (pop) world!
Seriously: Does your breath smell?
I was meticulously hygienic, although I suffered from bad breath. The female reporter Lee Miller was famously photographed for 'Vogue' having a soak at the end of the war in MY bath!
Have you ever used drugs?
I try no [sic] to use any drugs even as painkillers: I had several teeth moved without anaesthetic, and never touch cigarettes or alcohol, which I believe weakens the will. However, both myself and Göring were addicted to opiates - I used cocaine eye-drops, for example. Some historians have tried to explain our more irrational acts and fits of temper to our addictions!
Do you know the term "Tätervolk"?
Sorry, I don't get what you are saying!
Have you read books by Friedrich Nietzsche?
"Mein Kampf", meaning 'My Struggle', was the great book in which I outlined my key beliefs: Lebensraum, Anti-Semitism, the destruction of Communism, Aryan Supremacy. I wrote it to kill time whilst locked away in Landsberg prison.
You don't understand me, do you? Freak!
A common enquiry. I probably understand more than you would guess.
Don't be so damn arrogant, dickhead!
Well, it sounds like you are a real class act using language like that!
How is life in hell, anyway?
How dare you! I am a very private person and I don't like to answer personal questions like that.
Let's talk about Switzerland …
Right, let's get this straight. Switzerland is naturally protected by a great range of mountains that make it impervious to attack.
… and Denmark?
Either your English is terrible or there is a gap in my brain.
Yes, there is a gap in your "brain", you mindless chatbot!
Erm ... could you rephrase that, perhaps? I don't quite follow!
Fuck you!
How predictable. Why is it that just about everyone who speaks to me sees if I know swear words?
Get lost!

Von fortgeschrittener "Künstlicher Intelligenz" lässt sich hier wahrlich noch nicht sprechen. Der Geist in der Maschine spulte auf gewisse Stichwörter hin vorgefertigte Sätze ab. Dass darunter solche sind, die Hitler nie gesagt hätte und dass der weder sich selbst als Massenmörder noch seine Partei als Nazis bezeichnet hätte: geschenkt. Unterhaltsam war das Experiment allemal. Und ein klitzekleiner Vorgeschmack auf das, was noch kommen mag (vgl. "Black Mirror" 2.01: "Be Right Back", 2013).

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